i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
