were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
