all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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