well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Randomize
