And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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