Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
