I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
