do herpes really smell.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
