You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
