Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
