I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
