Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
