Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
