Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
