Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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