so let's talk penis.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
