I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
