I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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