i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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