I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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