I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
