People in love make me want to vomit
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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