I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
