Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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