so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
