If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
