But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
