today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
