I think I am morally bankrupt
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize