Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize