i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
