Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
