i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
