Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dear god my vagina.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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