i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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