how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
