Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
