I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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