She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
