There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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