Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
