Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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