Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
