i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
