I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
