My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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