I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He did a backflip because drugs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
