if only i could text you this smell
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize