I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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