just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hippo gnu deer
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
