I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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