I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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