I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
