How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
