your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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