can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
