ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize