I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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