if i died would you start the facebook group?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
