You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
