This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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