so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I need to calm my uterus...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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