i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I deserve this hangover.
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