I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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