You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
